Treasure

I made a disturbing realization today. I only have about 4 more months (if all goes well) to breast feed my son. It's laughable that I feel this way. When he was 3 weeks old, I remember thinking, "Am I supposed to LIKE breast feeding? Because I HATE it!" My sister encouraged me to give it 6 weeks. She was right. At 6 weeks Landry and I both turned a corner. He became more efficient in his sucking and latched on better. It stopped hurting so much and I began to really treasure the time with him.

Luke 2 says this:

16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

While Mary had many more things to treasure and ponder than I do, I really get what she was feeling. I've always "understood" the idea of treasuring this time with Jesus on an intellectual level, but now I understand it on an emotional level as well.

I treasure the time feeding my son. At 7 months he doesn't nurse much, only two or three times a day. And he is really quick now. It doesn't last long. So when I realized that this window is soon closing, my heart was a little sad and I pondered these things.

My son isn't much of a snuggler. He likes to be held, but he isn't cuddly. So when he nurses, it is a way for us to be close and a little snuggly. Nursing is also the instant fix-all. If he is tired, give him the boob. If he is upset, give him the boob. If he doesn't feel good, just being near the boob is good enough. It is amazing how God made that to be so comforting to my baby. It is also comforting to me too - to know that I can instantly comfort him. How will I comfort him when nursing is no longer an option? Yikes! I know I will, it just won't be as instant or as complete. Breast feeding really is a special gift and I will miss it when the time is gone.

One of the most beautiful things I've ever experienced is looking down at my son looking up at me while eating. Sometimes he'll pull off just to give me a big smile. Wow. I can't express how thankful to God I am to have gotten to experience what this is like. I don't take it for granted. And I realize this may be my one and only. I hope it isn't, but if it is, I can say with a full heart that I got to experience the beauty of feeding, providing for and comforting my son in the most God-ordained way.

Sometimes I wish I could capture the look on his face when he looks up and smiles at me. But then I can't think of how to keep the whole boob thing out of the picture. :) So it will just be one of those things I treasure in my heart. Something so sacred that only God and I get to share it.