Stream of Consciousness

Random things I've been thinking about and experiencing.

I've been dealing with disappointment for a while. A famous youth speaker (whose name I can't recall right now) defined disappointment as this:

Expectations + Reality = Disappointment

I've certainly found this to be true in my life.

Recently I've been disappointed with the men for whom I work. At the most spiritual level, I've been entrusted to them. Even though I am employed by them, I've also been given to them to protect and support. I have felt neither protected or supported. In fact at times I've been made to feel responsible for the turmoil in our office. It makes my heart so sad to have men on many different levels within our organization disappoint me. My expectation that they would treat their employees more like a flock for whom they should nurture has collided with the reality that I am unimportant to them. In fact many in my line of supervisors don't even know my name. This has left me disappointed.

I'd like to now write about how beautifully and gracefully I've handled this disappointment. But I can't. I'm reminded again of how dirty this cup is on the inside. I've had moments where I was doing the right things for the right reasons. But for the most part, I've been driven by a sense of indignant injustice.

Fortunately, my husband spoke truth to me recently and helped me get back on the right path. He reminded me of a missionary who shared of his trials in China. He had been discovered and badly persecuted for his faith. He was put in prison, but even there he glorified the Lord. He sought to share his faith with other inmates, he sang praise songs, he quoted scripture. To punish him, the prison guards put him in the cesspool to shovel excrement all day. He talked of the smell and having to wade waist-deep through this muck. But he wasn't complaining about it. He rejoiced that he was given time all day long everyday to think on the Lord, sing praise songs at the top of his lungs and just be alone with the Lord. And this missionary meant it. He found joy in being alone with God in the middle of a pile of crap.

John's point was not lost on me. I am in a figurative pile of crap right now and I have a choice. Help me, Jesus, to glorify You with my time and in my attitude.

I'm thankful for a husband who will challenge me to be better.

I'm also working on forgiveness. I'm on the forgiveness chapter in Strong Women, Soft Hearts. I needed reminding that the act of forgiveness is cleansing to the soul. There is a freedom in entrusting God with the debts I believe I'm owed. Paula Rinehart tells the true story of a minister who was owed a large sum of money by someone. He was very bitter that he had not been repaid. In an act to find forgivenss, he asked God to repay this man's debt. And over time, God did. Every penny. By trusting God to make things right, this minister was able to forgive the person who owed him money. And when the person finally did try to pay this man back, he was able to freely say "The debt has already been paid."

I love the idea that Romans 12:19 is literal.

"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."

How cool is that? God will repay. He will repay the evil-doer and He will repay the ones who have been injured. I find a great sense of relief in this truth. It isn't mine to avenge or rectify or punish. It is mine to give to the Lord and mine to entrust to Him as both Righteous Judge and Loving Father.

And my last thought for the moment.... I'm thankful for the many men and women God has placed in our lives to walk beside us. Yesterday I found myself wanting to thank Sally Creed and Mike Bonem for their investment in our lives. So I wrote them both notes and will mail them today.

Sally was my supervisor at Ft. Bend Christian Counseling Center. She invested hours upon hours training me in play therapy and in Trauma Resolution Therapy. She encouraged me as a woman and as a counselor. She even personally paid for several conferences so I could grow in my knowledge. Most of all, though, she shared her heart with me. Good and bad. And I am thankful. I miss her and look forward to reconnecting.

Mike Bonem is an extraordinary man. He's a wonderful mix of gentle and strong, intelligent and humble. He invested in John while we were in Houston. They met weekly to share their lives. Mike restored some of John's faith in paid ministers, I think. He is a good man, a humble man, a loving man. Even now, although we've being gone 2 full years from the church where he serves, he continues to pastor us. He calls John periodically to check on him, he sends occasional notes, and he prays for us. I'm thankful for his care for us. It makes me feel important, valued.

When I think of Sally and Mike and the many others like them, I realize that the pile of crap I wade through with the Lord is really not so big. Partly because so many have been willing to pick up a shovel to lighten my load.

More Pics of our Rose Bowl Experience

Two of the most beautiful signs I've ever seen!!


The next pics are of some of our Tailgating experience. We got to the stadium at 10:00am... the game didn't start until 5:20pm! By 11:30am there were easily 50,000 people tailgating. By 3:00pm it was a mad house. I'm so glad we went early. Walking around and seeing all the different tailgaters was really fun.

I didn't get a picture, but this was my favorite tailgate memory: John and I were wandering around and we passed by 2 USC guys who had a little grill going. As we passed they lifted the lid to the grill. They were 2 Hispanic guys and said in a thick Spanish accent, "Hey, we are cooking your Bevo." (Bevo is our Longhorn mascot in case you don't know.) The funny thing was... they had CHICKEN on their grill!!!!!

Tom Arnold was filming girls wrestling for the Tonight Show. As you can see, we were right there as he filmed!

The Longhorns had a strong presence before the game and during the game! The Longhorn Band played and marched around the stadium about 2:30pm and then went into the Texas Exes Tailgate Party (seen in back of pic) to play for them. It was like a parade as the UT Band came around to the party. Everyone had the Hook 'Em sign up.

Some guy had built a replica of the UT Tower and had it on the back of his truck. As you can see, he had the "1" just waiting to be lit up. We didn't get to see it after the game, but I bet it was cool!

Hook 'Em Horns

John, his dad and I had the amazing privilege of watching the Texas Longhorns beat USC out of the national title. It was an incredible game and gave us memories for a lifetime.

Chris and Laura watched the game too - no small miracle for people who don't like football! They even called to celebrate with us after the game.

Patrick Lafferty and Jacqui Spiller text messaged us throughout the game. My sisters, Julie and Joey, and friend Karol also called to celebrate. Really cool to have our friends and family experience all this with us.

More pics of our Rose Bowl experience to follow in the next post.

Hook 'Em Horns!